Surviving an Abusive Relationship

No one ever thinks they are going to be the person trying to escape an abusive relationship. They see it happen to others, to their friends, even family, but they never think it’s possible for them to be the ones on the receiving end of abuse. Well, neither did I, but life comes at you fast. Most people who meet me see me as a strong, independent person who would never settle for less than what they deserve. The crazy part is I didn’t. You meet someone who treats you amazing but tangled in all the sweet words and a stomach full of butterflies are all the red flags they try so hard to hide.

Recognizing abuse is not as easy and simple as many believe it to be. People use your soft spots against you. For example, I am a strong advocate for mental health and always feel empathy for those with mental health issues, my ex said he had anxiety and every time he was jealous and untrusting he blamed it on that. He used my empathy to take advantage, control, and manipulate me.

Some ways to spot abuse:

  • Threats

  • Manipulation

  • Gaslighting

  • Guilt tripping

  • Blaming you for things out of your control

  • Talking down to you or dehumanizing you

  • Shame you for wanting to go out without them

  • Trying to come between you and your family

  • Name call you

  • Yell at you to intimidate you

  • Patronize you

  • Put down your interests

  • Outbursts

  • Lecturing

  • Feigned helplessness

  • Controlling what you say and who you say it to

  • Digital spying (going through someone’s phone, computer, etc.)

Recovering from abuse:

The path of recovery is not easy. It takes a lot of work but the growth that comes with it is beautiful. It is important to remember that growth is not linear, you will have good days and bad days. On the bad days, you will fight to get yourself out of bed and probably cry every hour. Make sure you reach out to people on those days. Talk to family, friends, coworkers, abuse hotline, a therapist, etc. I know reaching out seems scary, but it is one of the helpful healing tactics. Watch happy shows and videos, play music you love, cut your hair, clean your room, scream, cry, drive, walk, and do absolutely anything you can do to get your feelings out. Most importantly, remember that THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT.

When you get to the good days, it’ll feel like you’re breathing for the first time in a long time.

If you need help, here are some resources.

Please remember you are worthy, you are important, you are brave.

Article- How to recognize the signs of mental and emotional abuse

https://www.healthline.com/health/signs-of-mental-abuse#what-to-do

National Domestic Violence Hotline

Phone # 1-800-799-7233

Website https://www.thehotline.org/